Reader Mail
Mailbag Monday is my long-running feature where I facetiously answer the ridiculous google searches that bring people to my website as though they were actual reader mail. Recently, I’ve begun answering actual reader mail as well, you can find the full list of answered questions here, both real, and google searches. Click on any of the questions to link to the blog post in which it was answered!
Actual questions, from actual people:
- After reading your Best Metal of 2014 post and seeing a) the bright colorful infographic of the best album’s cover and b) watching the Peste Noire video with its accordions and overalls, I want to know: are there still KVLT dealbreakers? – Eckert
- Are all farts a form of shart? – Danny
- Are black metal dong shots hawt…or nawt? – Leanne
- Can you leak any details of the black metal themed children’s party you are working on with her dark majesty [Martha Stewart] as a follow up to her punk party? – Willie
- Can you list some different butt wiping techniques? – Chaddyboy
- Did you get that Wolves Among Sheep NSBM book, by chance? – Phil
- Do dragons pee in toilets? – Benny
- Do you have any stories about playing D&D with the jocks? – Chad
- Hairline question? – Shena
- Have you heard the “Pretty Girls” song? – Shena
- Have you seen those cinemetal shirts? – Zachary
- How can someone determine if Isley has had too much to drink? – Rebecca
- How do I compliment someone of the opposite sex without it getting sexual? – Chaddyboy
- How’s your game life going? – Pandora
- I found some money on the street. Should I keep it? – Jessica
- I know you are into a lot of weird music–do you ever see yourself drinking blood down the road? And if so, what blood type? – Najmeh
- In Conan’s big prayer, he says “no one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. why we fought, or why we died.” So is Crom not omnipotent? Or since Conan has no tongue for prayer, does he have an imperfect understanding of Crom? – Eckert
- Is there a mathematical history to the number 666 like there is with the pentagram? – Kamielle
- Is your website still down? – Silas
- It seems like most of your bands use a lot of upside down crosses and pentagrams. Do the band members actually worship Satan? – Laura
- Jesus man, I had no idea how many records you have. [pauses for a beat] Do you have any good ones? – Brian
- Minor keys no longer exist…what is now your favorite song? – Brian
- Since the earliest translation of Revelations shows that the mark of the beast is 616, why do metalheads insist on using 666? – Mike
- So what was the deal with that Easter Egg you made? Was that some kind of Satan thing? – Jenny
- So what’s this new job you have? I want to know more! – Carol
- So why is there a pic of you on Mass St? – Denise
- What are some cool Satanic things that AREN’T metal related? – Brian
- What are your thoughts on biological warfare in the workplace? – Chris
- What can you tell me about anal taste buds? – Chaddyboy
- What happened to Mailbag Monday this month? – Nobody
- What is the worst game you’ve ever played, and why? – Chaddyboy
- What is wrong with you? – Nadine
- What is your favorite occult symbol, and why? – Stacey
- What is your process for writing a Re-Zork with someone? I always wonder what information you toss in that you hope people will use that they may or may not. – Carol
- What kinds of things should not be reused? – Chaddyboy
- What prank and/or operation do you most regret not bringing to completion in college? – Eckert
- What sort of man writes lyrics like those found on Nuit Noire albums? – Brian
- What the fuck is black strap molasses? – Rebecca
- What would Sauron’s choice of a smart phone be, and why is it an iPhone? – Duncan
- What’s the best strategy for investing for early retirement? – Shena
- When playing a board game, is one allowed to sabotage oneself – assuming it is within the rules? – Danny
- Why didn’t anyone notice Mailbag Monday didn’t get posted yesterday? – Isley
- Why do you always wait until 11:30 PM to start your Monday blog posts? – Laura
- Why Nazi music? – Shena
- Will the cancellation of America’s Next Top Model affect Mailbag Monday? – Denise
Google searches that brought people to my website, answered as though they were questions:
- 10. lord of the rings?
- 2013 movie about 2 crazy people who fall in love?
- 5 digit codes cryptography?
- A boy fuck a minor key?
- A day the fart wars happened?
- A short fairy tale?
- Abbath a silly man?
- Abbath from immortal without makeup?
- Advice for first date nerds?
- After fingering fingers smell like doritos?
- All-male mclintock movie?
- Almighty sathanas blog?
- Amanda langlet hot?
- Anime + third breast?
- Are jack reacher’s fighting techniques sound?
- As good as it gets?
- Bad boys 2 got real farts for isley?
- Bad Boys 2 meme?
- Bad r.kelly meme?
- Bad roller coaster pictures?
- Ballad about four wheelers?
- Bathroom gothic humor?
- Battle jacket rules?
- Best “fart” “bro” “ever” “felt” “good”?
- Best black metal cover album?
- Best dungeons and dragons game of all time?
- Best fart of all time?
- Best fun death metal bands?
- Best german komedy?
- Best Goat ever?
- Best goth blogs?
- Best Goth Blogs?
- Best high pitched metal song?
- Best internet boobs?
- Best life 2007 may?
- Best lord of the rings chapter?
- Best moments to say that’s what she said?
- Best times to fart?
- Biblical Backdrops?
- Big sleep confusing murder plot?
- Black metal gangsta rap?
- Black metal love song?
- Black metal meme?
- Black metal nerds?
- Black metal origami?
- Black metal swords?
- Black metals jacket?
- Black sabbath triton?
- Boobs copied?
- Boys bent over whipped?
- Brother powerful farts?
- Burrito sauce from scratch?
- Butt drag gay wrestling stories?
- Can women say thats what she said jokes?
- Cheating ok feminism?
- Cheesy black metal cover?
- Chelsea rae armpit?
- Childhood metal music hobbit D&D?
- Christian patches for patch jackets?
- Classic black metal mercyful fate?
- Common western themes?
- Cool secret codes?
- Copying your butt on a copy machine?
- Corpse paint funny?
- Corpse paint funny?
- Cow Hentai?
- Creepy woody meme?
- Czechoslovakia ww2 fun facts?
- D&d combat simulator?
- D&D meme?
- Dad shakes contest milk protein farts?
- Danger of art, propaganda, emotion, plato?
- Dazed and confused quotes crap your pants?
- Death in june rainbow skull?
- Dementor vs nazgul?
- Descargar emperor / hordanes land?
- Describe angelina jolie in hackers?
- Did john wayne cheat on maureen ohara in mclintock?
- Dinosaurs shooting lasers?
- Do hobbits fart enough?
- Do hobbits fart too much?
- Do metalheads have their moms sew patches on battle vests?
- Do you fart worse after caving?
- Does “isley unruh” look fart in these pants?
- Does Gimli fart in the movie lotr?
- Does isley unruh eat fart free?
- Double anal male bonding?
- Dude with two dicks?
- Easy origami instructions to make wolverine?
- Epic gay eurotrance?
- Eric rohmer film with most nudity?
- Euronymous fanfiction?
- Every time I fart I laugh uncontrollably?
- Excalibur cheesy dialog?
- Excalibur dialog?
- Fart poop?
- Fart?
- Farting “windows up”?
- Farting in my chair and smelling it?
- Farts are my favorite thing?
- Favorite bolt thrower riff?
- Favorite tipe of movies by a graph?
- Fear of minor keys?
- Fig newton farts are the worst?
- Food fight at the ok corral?
- Free bikes.com?
- Fuck your hobbits?
- Fuckin sweet dinosaurs?
- Fucking dinosaurs?
- Fucking lasers?
- Fuuuuuu comics?
- Gandalf and gimli slash?
- Gay pride patch?
- Gayshitonmycock?
- Gehenna d&d?
- Georgia o’keeffe flowers vagina?
- Georgia o’keeffe flowers?
- Goaste?
- Goat black metal?
- Goatse original?
- Good floats for senior year?
- Good Lord, how did this get so long? THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!
- Good sports meme?
- Graph of most watched films?
- Grease spell D&D?
- Guy and girl sex?
- Half sleeve vest for summer of metal bands?
- Hand gesture: number two?
- Harold and kumar go to white castle is my favorite movie?
- Have you ever smelt a dirty fart?
- Hen tai?
- Hilarious graveland?
- Hitler mordor?
- Hot dwarf girls?
- Hot jock locker room?
- How do you make a heavy metal patch vest?
- How do you say fart in native american?
- How many calories in plain unfilled burritos?
- How much garlic to add to a roast for tacos?
- How to be the best in life?
- How to cheat at the board game life?
- How to create that’s what she said moments?
- How to hear a diminished fifth?
- How to make 15 pancakes from scratch?
- How to make an origami dragon hard?
- How to make bread like wolverine?
- How to make burritos for 15 people?
- How to make extreme editz?
- How to make metal song titles?
- How to make pancakes go wrong on me?
- How to make the big pancakes?
- How to make the coolest origami dragon ever?
- How to make your own halloween costume isley?
- How to respond to “that’s what she said”?
- How to stop scoffing?
- How to troll metalheads?
- How to use prime numbers in cryptography for kids?
- Huge jock cock?
- I came and started farting meme?
- I came and then i started farting and then i?
- I can heal like wolverine.
- I don’t meme?
- I hate harmony korine movies?
- I have trodden many plains?
- I try to respond with that’s what she said as m uch as possible.
- I walked into a room after have read: it’s pitch black, you are likely to be eaten by a grue?
- I wish a motherfucker would?
- If u need a good grade is it ok to cheat on test?
- In the bible did cain mate with an ape?
- Inverted fvckin cross kvlt?
- Is adultry ok sometimes?
- Is cheating when lifting ok sometimes?
- Is it really Monday?
- Is it unhealthy to eat pancakes on its own?
- Is none so vile the best metal album of all time?
- Islay scotch ingredients swamp water?
- Isley unruh and ms. oshea?
- Isley unruh bad at farts?
- Isley unruh banned for farting?
- Isley unruh best films to fart during?
- Isley unruh blog full of farts?
- Isley unruh does he touch himself at work?
- Isley unruh ever not fart during a movie?
- Isley Unruh Excalibur?
- Isley unruh fart in own mouth?
- Isley unruh fart to the top?
- Isley unruh fart too weak to count?
- Isley unruh fart, but not out of butt?
- Isley unruh farts like a girl who doesn’t fart?
- Isley unruh farts like dinosaur who doesn’t fart?
- Isley unruh farts like dinosaurs?
- Isley unruh farty fart farts?
- Isley unruh forgets to fart?
- Isley unruh has john wayne farts?
- Isley unruh hates farts?
- Isley unruh hobbit review?
- Isley unruh hot brother?
- Isley unruh hot mom?
- Isley unruh is a fart checker?
- Isley unruh is fart asian?
- Isley unruh is he a model?
- Isley unruh is he single?
- Isley unruh is he twelve?
- Isley unruh likes modern fart?
- Isley Unruh lord of the ring?
- Isley unruh lovefarts?
- Isley unruh loves farts?
- Isley unruh really hot brother?
- Isley Unruh satan more you know?
- Isley unruh smelly farts hobbits or isleyunruh?
- Isley unruh top on fart?
- Isley unruh weak farts?
- Isley unruh what is best?
- Isley unruh’s dad is hot?
- Isley unruh’s sister phone number?
- Isley vomit infestation?
- Isley whiskey where do I get it?
- Isleyunruh fun facts?
- Jack reacher series is shit?
- Jerk-off contest?
- Jesus is my favorite king?
- Jesus music?
- Jock in jock action?
- Jock jizz blog?
- Jockblogxxx?
- Jocks in jocks?
- John wayne was awesome?
- KC renfest secret?
- Keep thor in thursday bumper sticker?
- Kylie vocal phrasing?
- Legolas [written in Russian] XXX?
- Lets fucking argue about it?
- Life of black metal?
- Life of pi bullshit?
- Life’s just one big that’s what she said?
- List all the best parts of dazed and confused?
- Little willy story Fassbinder?
- Long death metal song title?
- Lord of the rings fanfiction farting sam?
- Lord of the rings nothing but walking?
- Lord of the rings origami?
- Lord of the rings text?
- Lotr orc movie concept art?
- Louise brooks naked?
- Magic gathering players smart?
- Major explosion?
- Make taccos burreto shells?
- Making black metal pentagram?
- Manly bottom gay?
- Mash 4 dick heads together?
- Mclintock lipstick on collar why?
- Meaning of throthplighted?
- Meme “could have been worse” hobbit?
- Mercyful fate don’t break the nath?
- Metal song titles about darkness?
- Metal songs with little in the title?
- Metalhead problems?
- Metallic taste in pancakes?
- Mind control jock?
- Minor Key haunting soul?
- Mispronouncing biopic?
- Moderation has never really been my thing.
- Morbid angel midi?
- Most black metal thing ever?
- Most brutal black metal videos ever?
- Most epic d d game?
- Most epic metal song ever hilarious?
- Most unbreakable alloy for a 3 foot sword?
- Most unholy rapper?
- Movie reviews for this month?
- Movies with thats what she said moments?
- Much mail?
- Mustache contest?
- My chair smells like fart?
- My dad fart contest?
- My dad farts in my face?
- My favorite black metal list?
- Mythology of john wayne around the world?
- Myths in american society?
- Nahverteidigungswaffe asl?
- Nazi Metalheads?
- Normal names of black metalers?
- Notorious hitchcock download?
- Nudity sex?
- Odd shaped dicks?
- Olympic cheating debacle?
- OMG black metal?
- Operation market garden quotes?
- Origami music?
- Origami palantir?
- Other things you can use taco filling for?
- Photocopied pussy pics?
- Phrase “epic fornication”?
- Phrases like that’s what she said?
- Picture of the hottest vagina?
- Pictures of motorcycle vests that you can buy with patches already on them?
- Pimpin’ and Pancakes?
- Polish stereotypes?
- Poop picture poop fart fart doppelganger?
- Princess blog?
- Proper way to lay down lands magic?
- Punisher max vol. 2 ennis?
- Pussypics?
- Quidditch “worst sport”?
- Quit making those memes!
- R Kelly meme?
- Rage true story?
- Rapid rise yeast in pancake mix joke?
- Real talk meme?
- Rediculous sword?
- Ren fest boobs?
- Reverse corpse paint?
- Ridiculous black metal cover?
- Role playing exercises d&d?
- Romantic comedy formula?
- Sad keanu isley?
- Sad keanu paperfolder?
- Same style as paysage d’hiver?
- Satanic corporate logo?
- Satanic origami?
- Scuba battle?
- Send me all the movies?
- Serious pop music aficionados?
- Showering jock blog?
- Six names of Lucifer?
- Snatch that’s what she said?
- Stephanie Meyer limited world building?
- Stop recursion?
- Subtle thats what she said jokes?
- Super bad penis drawings?
- Teddy roosevelt and the rough riders?
- Teddy roosevelt hulk photoshop?
- Teddy Roosevelt trollface?
- Teddy roosevelt without a shirt?
- Ten most irritating hobbits?
- Thanksgiving dick and balls on a plate?
- That’s what she said lord of the rings?
- That’s what she said moment of the month?
- The hobbit radagast?
- The office that’s what she said confetti?
- Things i learned watching roadhouse?
- Things john wayne said?
- This is too silly to be black metal?
- Thor metal band?
- Today I will listen to some?
- Tolkien or tolkein?
- Top 10 worst fart smells?
- Top ten metal things to do?
- Top ten most upsetting items?
- com?
- Toyota logo spells toyota?
- Train metal song?
- Triple anal cocks touch?
- Twenty reasons for doing olympic style weightlifting?
- Twsss?
- Udder man?
- United states coat of arms of world war 2?
- Unruh meaning?
- Unruh metal?
- Unruh’s in germany, non milatirist?
- Untrue movie scene?
- Urethra in other languages?
- Urethra sex?
- Used jock?
- Vercors ss atrocities?
- Video leda and the swan?
- Wargame that is better than ASL?
- Was John Wayne a pacifist?
- Washington monument boner?
- Washington monument trousers?
- Weightlifter rips his ass?
- Werewolverene?
- Werner herzog yodeling?
- What are the best items for taco topping?
- What brand of pipe weed did merry and pippin smoke?
- What can I make with just milk sugar flour syrup bread and peanut butter?
- What color are pancakes look like white?
- What does a diminished fifth look like?
- What does it say about me if my favourite musician is hank williams sr?
- What does the old guy who bit his fingers off his hand in jack reacher have to do with caves?
- What goes on behind bathroom doors blogs?
- What is a rohmer?
- What is best about isley unruh’s hot dad?
- What is best in life meme?
- What is best in life?
- What is best in me?
- What is middel of the earth?
- What is middle earth Monday?
- What is special about black metal?
- What is the best minor key to play in?
- What possible context?
- What to put in chicken so it tastes like tomatoes after boiling for tacos?
- What wargame has the most counters?
- What’s a good romantic comedy with a good looking boy?
- What’s something mean you can do to a woman?
- What’s special this month?
- Whats best in life blog?
- When is it ok to hit a woman?
- Whench?
- Why can there be only one + highlander?
- Why do high school boys piss in lockers?
- Why does gandalf say that it would be well to trust rather in friendship than to great wisdom in deciding who should accompany frodo?
- Why Germany gets a bad rap for WWII?
- Why is black metal retarded?
- Why John Wayne is awesome?
- Willi von Unruh inventor?
- Wizards of the coast decanter of endless water?
- Wolverine’s healing factor prevent him from becoming a zombie?
- Woman in mailbag?
- Wooderson im here jpeg?
- Worst black metal album cover ever?
- Worst black metal album cover?
- Worst blackmetal band names?
- Worst fart sbd?
- Worts black metal album titles?
- Would fig newtons make you gassy?
- WWII has always fascinated me?
- pussypics.com?
- Y u no gusta skate?