I’ve talked previously about my decision to dive into the deep end of pro wrestling FAR later in life than most. If you really want to know why I decided to get really into roided up dudes pretending to fight in their underwear, check out THIS POST. But all you need to know for today’s post is that wrestling fans love to bring big signs to hold up and block the view of everyone behind them.
The signs used to be simple expressions of disdain and/or love for their favorite wrestlers:
But as the years went on, the signs have evolved, until now in 2023, they are mostly just video game Stanning and random non-sequiturs:
So, when I went to the latest AEW (my promotion of choice) show that came through KC this month, I very nearly brought a sign or two myself…until I realized that my seats weren’t QUITE on the hard cam, so I just decided to enjoy the show instead.
Still, I put a bit of thought into what sign I would bring, and here are a few of the top contenders.
First up, I wanted to go for a black metal deep cut:
In case you are wondering, Grausamkeit sounds like this:
While Emperor sounds basically the same, only played with a modicum of talent and songwriting skill:
Obviously I prefer the former.
The other top sign contender was going to be this one:
Universally considered the greatest western ever made, I have my issues with The Searchers. Featuring a towering performance by John Wayne (and some almost equally towering cinematography), it IS one hell of a movie, to be sure. However, it is also a fucking DARK movie about a man’s 5 year quest to hunt down and mercy-kill his niece who has been captured by a race he hates. Thus the periodic silly string blasts of pappy Ford’s old-man humor really feel tonally out of place among all the rape, murder, and racism.
I had plenty of other metal ideas for sure, but this probably would have been my most successful sign (in terms of people actually knowing what the hell I was talking about):
He knows how to write a song, but all the falsetto stuff is just too much:
…to my taste.
I’m full of hot takes, but none have been held so long and so vehemently as my stance on Pierce Brosnan:
I mostly just hate him as Bond, but look at that dude, coffee-breath Jones over there.
Finally, what would an Isley hot-take sign be, without a Tolkien sign:
Unfortunately the “lolol, just don’t walk over the mountain parts” is dangerously close to “why not just fly the eagles to Mount Doom?” If I REALLY wanted to go for the deep cut, I’d work the Nargil Pass (the FOURTH way to simply walk into Mordor) into my “walk into Mordor” (which wasn’t even IN THE BOOK!) sign.