Hello dear readers, it’s MAILBAG MONDAY again! On this special day I will search through my mountain of reader mail and answer the five most pressing questions!
What’s that you say? Do I really get that much mail? Well, I’ll admit…the contact sectionof this website doesn’t get used that often, but, one of the perks of wordpress stats is that I can see the google search terms that people use to find my site. And I’m going to go ahead and pretend that these search terms will count as reader mail, since they are often entered in the form of a question. So as you read these, remember that each “question” was something that someone actually typed into google that brought up my site as a hit which they then clicked on thus letting wordpress stats report to me the search they used to find my site. I could make up the questions myself, but it turns out the actual google searches are far better than anything I could come up with!
This month I answer the following questions:
- Twenty reasons for doing olympic style weightlifting?
- Why does gandalf say that it would be well to trust rather in friendship than to great wisdom in deciding who should accompany frodo?
- Graph of most watched films?
- Copying your butt on a copy machine?
- Real talk meme?
So, without further ado, it is time to dig into the old Mailbag to see what kind of things have been on my readers’ minds in the last month!
Twenty reasons for doing olympic style weightlifting?
I’ve actually already made a list of reasons for doing olympic weightlifting HERE. Of course, that was only 10 reasons, so, aside from being able to show off by lifting a bunch of weight over your head and learning to smugly assume that everyone else in the world who does squats doesn’t go deep enough and thus doesn’t really squat, I figured I’d see if I couldn’t come up with 10 more and round the list out to an even 20.
Sadly, after wracking my brains all night, all I could come up with was a bunch more snatch and jerk jokes. So, there you have it, 11-20: “Endless opportunities to giggle about the names of the lifts.”
Why does gandalf say that it would be well to trust rather in friendship than to great wisdom in deciding who should accompany frodo?
Oh I don’t know, Gandalf would probably talk about some bullshit relating to the importance of fellowship and the unlikely mettle of Hobbits. Still, if Glorfindel had come along instead of Pippin I guarantee he wouldn’t have dropped a bucket on a Balrog’s head and gotten Gandalf killed, so, what does Gandalf know?
Graph of most watched films?
I’m always making claims about how certain films are in my most watched categories. But, your question got me thinking, what movies HAVE I watched the most? Well, after carefully going back and counting up every movie I’ve ever watched, here are the 5 with the most viewings:
That’s right, Star Trek IV is my all time most watched movie. All because of my 10th birthday:
See, my family had just gotten a VCR, and that was the first movie I’d ever owned. We pretty much just rented movies back then, so I don’t think I actually owned any other movies for years afterwards (when I finally got Die Hard and watched the shit out of that too). Thus my sister and I would watch Star Trek IV over and over. We could pretty much recite the entire movie. Hell, still can… “too much LDS back in the 60s” “Double dumbass to you!” “Dialysis? What is this, the dark ages?” “Gracie is pregnant” “A keyboard, how quaint”…you get the idea. Christmas Vacation and It’s a Wonderful Life are yearly traditions. If I let myself count all the Connery Bond films, they would easily beat Star Trek IV, and Dazed and Confused? Well, it is the best movie of the last 20 years after all…
Copying your butt on a copy machine?
This actually isn’t as easy as you might think. Most copy machines (I don’t know if by design or by accident) will be unable to support the weight of one’s body and you will just cause a paper jam. Thus, you will need to brace yourself on a sturdy shelf of something and ever so gently lower your ass onto the machine. Of course, this tends to make it tough to push the copy button, but I’m sure you will find a way. And if you think the butt is hard to photocopy, don’t even get me started on how hard it is to copy the front.
Real talk meme?
I’ve been an R Kelly fan ever since I discovered Trapped in the Closet. And learning of his “Real Talk” video (as well as having Chris introduce me to his recurring role in Ron Isley’s music videos) only increased my fascination with R. Kelly:
Considering how perfect it would be, I can’t believe it has never dawned on me to meme him up. I did a find someone who captioned a picture of THIS GUY with “real talk.” but otherwise there wasn’t much online. Luckily (considering it’s far past my bedtime as I turn in another “Monday” post in the wee hours of Tuesday Morning) meming up R. Kelly is pretty easy, his lyrics kind of just let the memes write themselves! So here’s every line in “Real Talk” that R. Kelly actually considered to be real talk. Enjoy!
6 Comments
Why has no one commented on this? All of this is wonderful. Tiny Isley, Real Talk (though I still think that using lyrics from the song is kind of disappointing)…
Man!
Probably because, unless you were in Hawaii, nobody who would have visited my site on Monday hoping to see the new Mailbag Monday would have seen this post.
OH MY GOD TEN YEAR OLD ISLEY FOR THE WIN. For…everything? That picture should have a phone number below it in yellow text, with you saying, like, “Buy now, and we’ll throw in Star Trek III at NO ADDITIONAL COST!”
Also, I don’t think the “real talk” meme counts unless it is expandable beyond just the lyrics to the song. May I humbly submit:
Okay, maybe I don’t know how to add photos here. Here, how about this?
Ugh…that bold text is a link. Damnit, this is hard, Isley. I am not at all convinced this joke was worth it.