Mailbag Monday 57

Hello dear readers, it’s MAILBAG MONDAY again!  On this special day I will search through my mountain of reader mail and answer the five most pressing questions!

What’s that you say?  Do I really get that much mail?  Well, I’ll admit…the contact sectionof this website doesn’t get used that often, but, one of the perks of wordpress stats is that I can see the google search terms that people use to find my site.  And I’m going to go ahead and pretend that these search terms will count as reader mail, since they are often entered in the form of a question.  So as you read these, remember that each “question” was something that someone actually typed into google that brought up my site as a hit which they then clicked on thus letting wordpress stats report to me the search they used to find my site.  I could make up the questions myself, but it turns out the actual google searches are far better than anything I could come up with!

This month I answer the following questions:

• Creepy woody meme?
• Bad r.kelly meme?
• Best german komedy?
• Burrito sauce from scratch?
• Worst blackmetal band names?

So, without further ado, it is time to dig into the old Mailbag to see what kind of things have been on my readers’ minds in the last month!

Creepy woody meme?

I’ve had this question in the old mailbag for quite a while, but due to the renewed allegations of pedophilia from one of America’s greatest living directors, I figured now was the time to bust out a brand new “Creepy Woody” meme:

What, too soon? Poor taste? A shrewd application of a hilarious pederast joke from The Big Lebowski?  Most likely all three…

Bad r.kelly meme?

I think we can all see where this one is going, let’s just get on with it:

You know you’ve done something bad when you make R. Kelly seem less molesty by comparison.  Or, you know you’ve done something bad when only Woody Allen is more molesty than you.

Best german komedy?

To my knowledge, in over a century of German filmmaking, the country has only ever produced one comedy film: R. W. Fassbinder’s Satan’s Brew.

Why haven’t there been more “Komedies” from Germany?  Maybe the plot summary from imdb will shed some light on this:

Walter, a German anarchist poet, is short of money after his publisher refuses to give him an advance. He tries various ways of raising money, including shooting one of his mistresses and relying on the life savings of a woman from the country who is fanatically devoted to him. He also has to contend with his long-suffering wife, his fly-obsessed crazy brother, his other mistress and a police murder investigation.

I should point out that the brother isn’t so much obsessed with flies as he is obsessed with the idea of having sex with dead flies.  That’s kind of funny maybe?

Burrito sauce from scratch?

This is actually one of my favorite “from scratch” recipes.  You will need:

• One burrito (store bought)
• one bottle of water

Worst black metal band name?

I figured for sure I’d covered this before, but, while I’ve featured the worst black metal song titles, album covers, album titles, videos,  and fonts, I haven’t yet discussed the worst black metal band names!

Now, my first instinct was to say that the newly discovered “Kriegsgolf” had a chance mostly because I like to imagine the band members are all douchy yuppies with “Golf ist Krieg” bumper stickers on their Beamers.  Though, sadly, I’m pretty sure their name is actually Kriegsgott and the “golf” part only comes from a hilarious logo malfunction (also, golf is pretty Tolkieny, and thus, pretty black metally):

Of course, even if they were really called Kriegsgolf, they would not have stood a chance of beating the undisputed champion of bad black metal names, Moonblood:

Moonblood are the champions not so much because they named their band after periods, but rather because (I am almost certain) they unwittingly named their band after periods.