Mailbag Monday 76

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Welcome back to Mailbag Monday!  On the first Monday of every month, I take the time from my busy blogging schedule to answer all of my reader’s most pressing questions! Sure, I might have begged, bribed and cajoled my readers into sending me these questions in the first place, but, that still totally counts as reader mail!

This month I answer the following questions:

• “Why do you always wait until 11:30 PM to start your Monday blog posts?”
  -Laura
• “What is the worst game you’ve ever played, and why?”
  -Chaddyboy

So, without further ado, it is time to dig into the old Mailbag to see what kind of things have been on my readers’ minds in the last month!

“Why do you always wait until 11:30 PM to start your Monday blog posts?”

-Laura

Laura did specifically ask me this question around 11:30 tonight, but it has been a long running submission for her since she seems to ask this EVERY Monday.  Short answer? Because I haven’t completed anything outside the harsh pressures of last-minute panic since I was shitting yellow.  That, and NoJoy is always there to proofread for me, so I don’t have to budget time for proofreading.

“What’s the worst game you’ve ever played, and why?”

-Chaddyboy

I’ve had shitty games of games I didn’t think were shitty (for example, my negative score in Lexio, or that time I spent all my money on a company that didn’t get taken over till the end of the game in Acquire), but, as far as worst game I’ve ever played goes, I’d probably have to go with Cards Against Humanity.

It’s not the WORST game of all time, there are plenty of unplayably stupid games out there, but, unfortunately, Cards Against Humanity is REALLY popular, so I’ve had to play this piece of shit way more than I ever wanted to.  Bottom line, it’s just Apples to Apples (a game where you have a hand of cards with words and phrases on them, and then everyone takes turns matching them to a seeder card while one person picks which combination they think is the funniest), and Apples to Apples fucking blows.  Put another way, it’s kind of like playing Dixit if Dixit really sucked.  If you play a seed card that says something like “loveable” and someone else plays Michael Jackson, everyone will just end up laughing about how hilarious the concept of Michael Jackson is.  Cards Against Humanity takes this impulse even further by making every single card some stupid phrase like “midgets shitting in a bucket” that is guaranteed to have your friends rolling in laughter no matter what the seed card is.

Bottom line, Apples to Apples is a shitty, flawed game, and making it dirty and smugly racist does nothing to improve it.  Add in the fact that everyone loves this game so much that I seem to constantly end up getting suckered into playing it and you have my vote for “worst game ever.”

I’d ask you the same question Chaddyboy, but I am pretty sure I was there for every single one of your worst game ever play sessions, so there’s really no need, you made your feelings about Magic, ASL, Dungeon Twister, etc etc all too clear.

Finally, because I still have hundreds of old saved search terms to wade through, the rest of this space is devoted to quick replies to the more ridiculous web searches that lead people to this website:

Snappy Solutions to Silly Searches

Good floats for senior year?

Well, if you are going for a mobile dry-ice bomb laden battlewagon approach, you can get some pointers HERE. Which, to be fair, I just copied that idea from Animal House. Or, while watching Mad Max: Fury Road with my mom recently, she pointed out that Imperator Furiosa’s “War Rig” was basically what I’d always been going for during my brief but active float building career.

Grease spell D&D?

I’ve mentioned it before, but this really is one of my favorite spells of all time in Dungeons & Dragons. I’ll pick a spell that is versatile enough that it even lets me cast it on myself and run through a gauntlet of orcs like a greased pig any day over a supposed “staple” spell like Magic Missile.

Battle jacket rules?

1. Only ever wear patches of bands you could at least, with 90 percent accuracy, name at least one song off your favorite album.
2. Don’t wear patches of bands that are so mainsteam that everyone will immediately recognize the name–no matter how much you might like Slayer.
3. Don’t ever stop to think how silly it is that you have made yourself into a walking billboard promoting some of the shittiest people on the planet.