Mailbag Monday 50

Hello dear readers, it’s MAILBAG MONDAY again!  On this special day I will search through my mountain of reader mail and answer the five most pressing questions!

What’s that you say?  Do I really get that much mail?  Well, I’ll admit…the contact sectionof this website doesn’t get used that often, but, one of the perks of wordpress stats is that I can see the google search terms that people use to find my site.  And I’m going to go ahead and pretend that these search terms will count as reader mail, since they are often entered in the form of a question.  So as you read these, remember that each “question” was something that someone actually typed into google that brought up my site as a hit which they then clicked on thus letting wordpress stats report to me the search they used to find my site.  I could make up the questions myself, but it turns out the actual google searches are far better than anything I could come up with!

This month I answer the following questions:

• Ten most irritating hobbits?
• What is special about black metal?
• Why is black metal retarded?
• www.pussypics.com?
• Most epic d d game?

So, without further ado, it is time to dig into the old Mailbag to see what kind of things have been on my readers’ minds in the last month!

Ten most irritating hobbits?

For every delightfully mischievous Pippin or Merry, there are plenty of hobbits that are just plain irritating.  I’ve taken the liberty of drawing up my list of the 10 absolutely worst hobbits when it comes to being annoying:

10. Angelica Baggins
9. Milo Burrows
8. Odo Proudfoot
7. Hugo Bracegirdle
6. Otho Sackville-Baggins
5. Lobelia Sackville-Baggins
4. Lalia Took
3. Lotho Sackville-Baggins
2. Samwise Gamgee
1. Frodo Baggins

It’s a wide ranging list, featuring everything from hobbits that don’t return books you lend them to hobbits that try to enslave all the other hobbits while not recycling.  Of course none of that is as bad as the hobbits that are too helpful and too whiny respectively.

What is special about black metal?

I’ve discussed the illicit pleasures found in black metal before, but sure, I’d be happy to go into even greater depth as to why I think the black metal aesthetic is one of the most brilliant…

Why is black metal retarded?

Ohhhh…you meant, what is “special” about black metal.  Well, first of all, us black metal fans don’t like to use the word “retarded,” we prefer, “musically challenged.” And honestly, if you would take the time to look past the surface, you would see the beautiful music that is hidden within a body of work that is, in all actuality, quite special in its own way.

So, seriously, let’s cut out all the retarded black metal jokes.

Damnit! What did I just say???

www.pussypics.com?

This is either the greatest porn finding fail of all time, of the worst “damn you autocorrect” mistake of all time.  Either way, I don’t believe this is the website  you are looking for.

Although, I guess I have posted 100% FREE PUSSY PICS, no credit card required! before…so maybe you weren’t too far off after all.

Most epic d d game?

I”m no stranger to role playing games, and I’ve experienced plenty of epic ones in my time.  However, just last weekend, my semi bi-monthly The One Ring Middle-earth Role Playing Game ended up getting pretty goddamn epic.  But don’t take my word for it, just look at our post-session map of encounters (click for a larger picture):

If you follow the Family Circus style dotted line trail, you can see that we made our way down a mud slide, tip toed around a sleeping (or possiblyhowling based on the picture) warg, swung over a pit that totally didn’t contain a Sarlacc, desecrated the newly dead, swung over a second pit that also totally didn’t contain a Sarlacc at the bottom and blundered straight into a next of rats (or sperm based on the picture).

I then played a merry tune on my hurdy gurdy to draw the sperm rats into the next area while we snuck away to the south where we found a totally dead flayed dude.  Well…he wasn’t dead yet, in fact, he may have been getting better.  Still, death comes to us all, so after we bluffed our way past some drunk Bobbos (the DM claimed he was trying to write Gobbos upside down), we were forced to throw the flayed dude who probably wasn’t dead at all into the path of two rutting wargs while we looted some Goblin tents.

Then we sailed down a river of poop and around a big tent fire to safety.

I would say the most shocking thing about a night full of shocking things was the fact that we only ended up drawing 5 dicks on the map.  And by “we drew 5 dicks” I mean, I drew 4 (and one set of warg teats), Carol drew 1, and Shena drew 0.  Come on Shena, try to keep up next time.