Once again, from the pages of Goth Blog comes the second part of everyone’s favorite spinoff: SNOB Blog! Has that wacky high school english teacher who just wants the finer things in life…and for people to know he wants the finer things in life finally found love? Read on to find out!
(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction; any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental)
Previously in Snob Blog:
Snob Blog 1– Our snob with no name meets what he assumes is a fellow film elitist and potential soul mate at a movie store. But upon going to her film party he is horrified to find that her friends’ taste in cinema is not as refined as he had hoped. After hijacking her party to disasterous effect it becomes apparent to everyone that these were not his people.
October 28th, 2006
I’m sure that those readers who have found a kindred voice in this journal have assumed that my silence this past week has been due to my continued courtship of Iris after being invited to her movie night last time. But alas, as is so often the curse with me, I am forced to assume that yet another girl (if I may playfully alter the words of the great Groucho Marx) found herself “unworthy of joining a “club” that had me as a member”.
Yet, such is the lot of all who tread the path of good taste, and at this point in my life such setbacks barely faze me. If Iris can not be troubled to respond to any of my dozen or so phone calls over the past week, than I shall turn my attentions upon more deserving parties. Sadly, at the moment there is a distinct lack of deserving parties in my life.
October 31st, 2006
In a course of events as unforeseen as a meaningful new album from Stockhausen, today’s pep assembly actually managed to raise my spirits!Not through any design on the part of the pep assembly organizers of course, but more because I was able to participate in a surprise performance art piece when I gathered with all the teachers for some trite recognition ceremony at the beginning of the assembly.
I was in mid eye roll at the ridiculousness of the ceremony when some unidentified student dressed like one of the Residents in a pink eyeball costume showered the teachers in red dye (most likely as a representation of the red tide of socialism that can not be repressed by the current fascist leadership in this country…but I digress).
Despite ruining my best Evan Parker hoodie, it was a thought provoking display and really reminded me of the good old days at Berkley (at least what I assume the good old days at Berkley were like).
As one final item of potential interest, the choir teacher Ms. Kockenlocker glanced appreciatively at my Evan Parker hoodie and said “nice sweatshirt; yippee ki yay mo fo!” as I was leaving the auditorium.
I’m not up on the lingo the kids use these days as much as she is apparently and didn’t understand the last part, but I suspect she assumed the words “Parker: Live Free or Die Hard” emblazoned across the front of my hoodie were referring to Charlie Parker (it is rare you find someone enlightened enough to even know of the existence of the free improvisation God Evan Parker!) Still while I tend to eschew musical works with a rythem or melody even at his most pedestrian, Charlie Parker is quite good, and liking him puts her heads and tails above the rest to the plebes at this school. I’m hip to Bird–if you are into pop music of course.
All in all a strange day to be sure!
November 1st, 2006
I woke this morning to find my house had been egged for the 10th straight Halloween in a row last night. I had hoped moving to a new city would help me slip under the radar of the local hooligans, but it seems my decision to serve homemade sugar free sticky rice balls with Durian filling was not to the taste of the trick or treaters last night. I must remember that a child’s palate in this taste-forsaken part of the country is no where near as refined as in other more enlightened parts of the country.
Yet my spirits were strangely bright today nonetheless. I realized that I could not get Ms. Kockenlocker’s appreciation for fine music out of my head. I had not had a chance to interact with her in my few short months at this school, and missed her again today, but I would have to find out more about her after her comment yesterday! She was a not unattractive woman in certain angles, could she be the one to march at my side with the advance guard of humanity?
No, this time I will play it safe. No leaping before I look this time, it will take a great deal before I am tricked into thinking I have met my match again!
November 3rd, 2006
I believe she may be the one! Why you ask? Read on!
In a week that continues to be entirely full of surprises for me, Ms. Kockenlocker actually sought me out after school to, of all things, as for a ride back to town! Her car’s battery was dead and she had heard that I commuted from the city as well.
Well I was happy to check out this potential diamond in the rough, and as we took our seats my first thought was obviously immediately “what cd should I play for the commute back that would suitably impress her?” I wanted to go straight to the AMM of course, but figured I should run it by her in case her adventurous side went no further than Charlie Parker.
She said she actually liked a lot of AMM’s stuff, though I didn’t have the Slim Shady LP she asked for (though I did appreciate her preference for vinyl…trust me if there was a way to install a record player in my car I would have found it, but all past attempts turned out disastrously). I figured we would jump in the deep end with AMM’s foundational Crypt recordings.
To my horror my car’s CD player would not work! I felt like Ahab finally finding his white whale but having nary a harpoon in sight! Grasping for some way to save the ride home I quickly came up with a backup plan.
Assuming she was familiar with the work of John Cage, I suggested that we recreate his (in)famous 4:33 composition (though with the traffic the way it was it would have to be 20:33 or so). She looked a bit hesitant, and instead boldly pulled out an ipod (to my horror!) from her purse! Before I could even begin my normal diatribe about the vastly inferior sound quality of mp3 audio she had set one of her songs to play on my radio.
I was so stunned by the pop cacophony that it took a moment to register what had just happened to my virgin speakers. Shouting over the obnoxious bassline Ms. Kockenlocker seemed to be trying to verify that I liked “old school”. I could merely smile and nod.
But then a strange thing happened, I decided to give something I wasn’t familiar with a chance. After all, this was a woman who liked AMM and Charlie (or even Evan!) Parker, her taste in music couldn’t be that bad.
The more I listened to the high pitched vocals accompanied by a rather funkily syncopated minor key bass line with tastefully used synths I had to admit that it was actually a pretty good song (for a pop song mind you!) I asked her who it was, and wanted to know if the band was popular as competently written as their song was.
She just looked at me like those guys back in college did a few years ago when they found out I didn’t know that “Tastes Like Teen Spirit” song. She could only say “uh…Michael Jackson? Smooth Criminal? Are you seriously saying you don’t know this song??”
I laughingly played it off as a joke and resolved not to ask about any more songs. I would hate to appear a further ignoramus to this strange woman with such eclectic musical tastes! At least now I can say I’ve heard a Michael Jackson song…you wouldn’t think the fella had it in him to look at him!
Next on what she called her “jammin tunez mix” was another song that initially horrified me, but by the end of it I had to admit that I too felt like a “genie in a bottle” as the immensely talented singer referred to herself. It was like a whole new world of music had suddenly opened before my eyes. My heart was truly saying no, but my tapping fingers were most undoubtedly saying “this is actually kind of good!”
By the time we had reached her house in the city we were both singing along with the final song in a high falsetto: “WANTS TO BE A HUNTER…AGAIN!!”
She thanked me for the ride and asked if I wanted to start carpooling since we liked so much of the same music. I said that would be great, and she told me she’d bring that AMM Slim Shady LP that I said I’d never heard for next time, and also that we should listen to a band called Britney. I’m not sure who that is, but from the quality of the great underground pop she played for me tonight I’m sure it will be amazing!
That’s it for now, but fear not, Snob Blog will return in SNOB Blog 3 – The Dance Emcee!