Metal Music
Extreme Metal Radio Edits 2: Carcass – Exhume to Consume
Because today marks the 10-year anniversary for one of my silliest blog posts, I thought I would revisit the idea, only THIS time, I’d fully commit. I am speaking of my infamous (for certain definitions of the word) attempt back in 2008 to start a new blog series with my post “Extreme Metal Radio Edits…
Read MoreBest Metal Albums of 2017
2018 is winding down, but I’m just now getting around to posting my best metal of 2017 list. A combination of procrastination, a serious consideration of just shutting down the feature all together (due to my taste in metal narrowing to the point of implosion), and hesitation over publishing half the album covers has pushed…
Read MoreMetal-masterpiece 74: Manilla Road – Open the Gates
Manilla Road is the single most epic band in all of heavy metal-a quality that earned them an automatic back-patch honor (the greatest of all metal honors) on my classic metal patch vest. Now, I know that “most epic of all” is a bold claim, but it is the truth. Not even Bathory at their…
Read MoreFive More Signs That the Underground Metal Band You Are Listening to Might be Racist
It’s been four years since I last posted about some of the subtle ways underground metal bands can mark themselves as a racist band, and I’m finally back to add another installment (of what will most likely be a lengthy series) of “STtUMBYALtMbR.” In the last four years, racist bands in the black metal underground…
Read MoreManowar Lyrics: An In-depth Analysis
Manowar is like any other metal band…only more so. From their album covers to the lyrics they sing, Manowar oozes so much metal that SOME have claimed they veer into parodic territory. Thus, when it comes to lyrics, for those Manowar-curious folk out there thinking of poking their heads into Manowar fandom, you are going…
Read MoreIsley and Brian liveblog the new Judas Priest
Recently, Brian and I decided to check out the new Judas Priest album, Firepower, and chat about our thoughts over Gchat as we listened. After we’d finished, I realized this might make a good feature for this blog, and thus I have posted our comments, thoughts, and poor-taste jokes below for all the internet to…
Read MoreBenny Interprets Heavy Metal Cover Art 1: Rainbow – Rising
In this new feature, I will take classic heavy metal album covers (objectively classic, not the subjective stuff I make fun of in my other heavy metal album cover art feature), and see how they are interpreted through the fresh, unprejudiced eyes of a six-year-old child. In each installment, I will show Benny an album…
Read MoreBaby’s First Bedtime Black Metal Playlist
As any new parent will tell you, getting your baby to sleep regularly is priority number one. However, even when your child doesn’t need to eat, burp, or have a shit filled diaper removed, their sensitive little ears WILL hear you trying to sneak out of their bedroom after laying them down in their crib. …
Read MoreBlasphemy in Bethlehem: A Christmas Playlist
Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. I don’t even care about all the Jesus stuff, there’s just a special feeling in the air no matter how lame and preachy the second verse of God Rest You Merry Gentlemen is. Still, in an effort to balance things out, I thought I’d try a little change…
Read MoreThe Top Five Best Gezol Crotch-shots from Sabbat Album Art
Sabbat is, quite simply, the greatest metal band of all time. Formed in Japan in the early 1980s, Sabbat has played a fucking DELIGHTFUL mix of black metal and dirty-as-a-ballsack thrash for over thirty years, never once selling out or even turning out a lackluster album–an amazing feat for any genre, let alone one as…
Read More